Gods Faithfulness Trumps All

God is so Faithful. 

I find myself making that statement so often.
To myself out loud, in my head throughout my day, and voicing it to others on the daily. Just that simple statement.  

I find when I voice it to others, they agree smiling and shaking their head, but I can see it's not hitting them with the intensity that I mean it.

And although it's a simple statement made up of 4 words, the feeling, the thoughts, the emotion and belief behind that simple statement is so, so, SO much more to me.

Over these past 5-6 years (no exaggeration), there has been situation, after situation where things have fallen apart.
Things I thought were solid, people I thought were there to stay, and so on, have come down crumbling in a mess.

When trying to fix these things, they only got worse.

I had to learn over time that all I could do was try to address things in the most biblical way, and let God do the rest.

Most of the time I tried fixing things even with "Christian" people, the situations got worse.
I saw that sadly even within the church, that conviction is lacking to leave things on good terms with people.

I had to learn to have total faith and trust God to defend me and fight for me.

After time I realized that maybe God at the time had to close things right in my face and let situations get messy so I would let them go.

I realize now that by me being a loyal person who will do everything in my power to work something out, God had really no other option but to slam these doors and lock them in my face long enough so I would walk away from them. 

God has always over time shown me why it was best He did that, and that alone blows my mind.
And has even been so good to mend the broken pieces with people that I learned to leave in His hands.
God owes me nothing.
He doesn't have to show me why He does or allows things to happen to me, but He always has.

That is love right there. 

I'd like to say I've learned a bit since then, and now know when to walk away a lot sooner, but it doesn't mean it's always "easy" to do.

Sometimes there are things I've really wanted, and frankly, things that just don't make sense to me in the flesh, that I've had to submit to God and say,
"I see you're closing this, I don't get it, but you can have it. I give it to you."

One thing I wish every person could understand that I believe with my entire heart, is that God will NEVER take anything from you, or allow anything to happen to you unless it's for your own good, or He has better in store.

And I think the problem is that we lack a relationship with God, where we know Him on such an intimate level, where we truly understand just how much God loves and cares for us. Would you ever intentionally hurt someone you love? Or let them go through pain just because? No. Would you get pleasure out of seeing them suffer? Not at all.

It has taken situation after situation, for me to understand this to its fullest degree.

There's been relationships, friendships, people I've wanted to keep in my life, and I just could NOT understand why they couldn't stay or how things could go from perfect to terrible in a moment like a switch had been hit.
But in time God has always shown me it was for my best.
Am I saying they are terrible people? Not at all. But I can say with a pure heart, I see it now... I get why on either end this was for the best. 

It really doesn't matter what area in life you are talking about; relationships, jobs, ministry, opportunities, etc...
There are going to be some things that hit you, that just knock the wind out of you for a minute, that you didn't see coming.

It's in those moments, that you have to make up your mind - do you truly trust that God is allowing this to happen because He has your best interest at heart?

We understand that God doesn't allow anything to happen to us before it passes through His hands, right? (Job 1:12)

So if something is coming to you, or leaving you, do you trust God enough to know He is allowing this for your best?

AND if we believe that, how then will we respond next?

Do we walk around throwing a pity party, and spend our days thinking about how life just isn't fair and how you didn't deserve this?

Do you cry and cry until you have no more tears left, until you are eventually "over it"?

That's definitely an option.

It's an option for you to allow life and your emotions to run it's course until you have depleted yourself emotionally, spiritually, and physically over a situation until you can't take it anymore and you just no longer care.

Or there's a plan B.

And that plan is to make up in your mind, that you trust God, with your whole heart.
With every detail of your life.
To make up in your mind, that when you start feeling your heart getting heavy, or thoughts come into your mind that you know will do no good for you - you will take an attitude against those spirits and what is bringing you down, and say, "Not today Satan!" (2 Corinthians 10:5)

I know the God that I serve.I know that He loves me. (John 3:16/Romans 5:8/Galatians 2:20)

I know this situation is not in vain. (2 Corinthians 1:4-6)

I know that if I'm going through this, that my pain is for a greater purpose. (1 Corinthians 10:31)I know that this loss is occurring because God wants to replace it with something better for me. (1 Corinthians 2:9)

I know that you have no power over my life, and that this is happening only because God has allowed it to. 
And I know that God will turn everything for my good! (Romans 8:28)

It's those "flesh checks" that you have to make to prove not just yourself, or to the devil, but to GOD - that you DO trust Him.

How much would you believe someone if they said, yes I know you love me and I trust you, but every opportunity they get they are trying to find out if you're hiding things from them or are constantly insecure if you even care about them? After awhile that would get old. 

Yet why do we do that with God?

God delivers us, protects us, and if you open your eyes you will see that He has spared you from situations and people that would have been no good for you. Yet, every time a new situation occurs, you want to throw yourself on the ground and say, "Why me?" 

There comes a point in your walk with God where you stop letting things effect you.

There comes a point where you no longer let situations that would have broken you before, put you into another state of depression. 

Because it's at that moment you look back at EVERY situation and battle God has fought for you and you say,

"It's okay, I'm okay... God's got my back. Just like every time before."

Shoot, you can even have a little attitude with the devil and laugh in his face - because this method no longer works on you!

There comes a moment where like David, you encourage yourself in the Lord. (1 Samuel 30:6)

You look back at every moment God was faithful to you in the past, and you let that push you forward into a future filled of peace, hope, and excitement - because if God did it for you before, He FOR SURE will do it for you again!

That's something to be excited about!

That's something that should make you fall in love with Him over and over again! 

I want to encourage and talk straight to someone today. 

It's time you stop letting every blow knock you down. 

It's time you show God, that you realize He has been faithful to you, and this time, you're going to pick your head up, and you're going to walk forward in faith that He has got you. 

That you're not going to sit around crying and let the enemy get the best of your mind, because it's a waste of time when you know the God you serve.

So when I say, "God's Faithfulness Trumps All", what I mean is that we have to let it trump all.

No matter what the situation is, or how we want to feel about it, we have to let God's history in our life of being the ONE we could ALWAYS count on actually mean something to us. 

He is faithful y'all! It's time to act like we believe that! 

In every season, mountain top, valley low, God is faithful! 

Blessings, 

Miriam <3

Perfection In Front of Our Faces

Do you ever feel disheartened and drained?

Feeling like you’re giving the very best to everyone around you, and you can never count on the same back… not even when you need it the most?

It’s one thing to not get it back during the ‘good times’, but then you can’t even count on a friend to be there when you’re really going through something. That’s rough man.

Knowing you would spend hours hearing your friend or someone you care about vent or cry for hours if they needed, and you can’t really trust, open up to, or count on one person just to hear out your situation. Sometimes we just need someone to listen.

Maybe it’s just me, but I have my moments where this really eats at me.

Maybe it’s the fact that I've lost best friends that I thought were lifelong friends, over things that good friends and good people would never do. Maybe it's the fact where friendships and relationships have ended for seemingly no reason, and it left me thinking, 'maybe if I just had more to offer, I wouldn't be so easy to drop.'

Just being real.

At times I fight feeling emotionally drained and numb towards people.

I know in the spiritual realm, the enemy would love nothing more than to get my view and love for people tainted and to change by using all the hurt, betrayal, and disappointment I've gone through with people I trusted. I pray continually for God to create in a me a clean heart, to guard it, and to renew a fresh love for people on a daily basis, because of this.

My point of this though… is for every person who has ever felt this way… hurt, frustrated, and just sick of investing into one more person that you feel will only let you down in time, stop for a second.

Stop and ask yourself one question.

Are you doing the very same to God?

You get frustrated because people don’t follow through with their word, loyalty, and don’t invest anything back into you… and we have GOD, the creator of heaven and earth, of the sun, the moon, the stars, and everything that was ever beautiful, pure, lovely and perfect… we have GOD over here… just WAITING for us to love Him with everything within us.
Just WAITING for us to invest the time that we invest in other people, into HIM.
Just WAITING for us to go to HIM on one of those dark and lonely nights, and share everything that runs through our minds. Even if it makes no sense when it comes out.

We think its so cute and sweet to be in a relationship with a guy or girl and spend hours talking on the phone getting to know every detail about one another... Well God wants to have that with YOU!

God wants to be intimate with you!
He WAITS to have the relationship with us that we are so desperately wanting and desiring to have with people who are just that… they are just people.

They are human, and they are flesh…. And no one but God is perfect.

The Word says that even at our very best, we are as good as filthy rags!
So why are we surprised when we are let down?
Am I justifying people just being a straight up lousy friend to you? No.

But please, save yourself some heart ache and tears, and know that even the people who love you the most on this earth, will at some point or another be imperfect.

And even those who are literally perfect in your eyes at all times… there is going to come a day where God will call them home. I’m not trying to be morbid, I’m trying to be realistic.

God is LITERALLY THE ONLY ONE who will NEVER leave you, NEVER hurt you, NEVER put ill-intentions in actions towards you.

PLEASE, do yourself and your heart a favor and start investing yourself into God the way you would love for someone here on this earth to do to you. You will not be disappointed!
If you've been looking for somewhere you can rest your heart without worrying about it being shattered, place it in the hands of God. Let Him heal you, and restore you.

He will love you in a moment, the way every lover combined could love you in a lifetime.
He will be a friend like you've never had.

Having a relationship like that with God is literally the most beautiful and intimate thing you could ever imagine.

Below I've put some scriptures that will help remind you, just how special and important you are in God’s eyes.

When we find our worth in the love God has for us, we will never lack.

"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."

Matthew 6:33

"...or whoever touches you touches the apple of his eye"

Zechariah 2:8

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."

Jeremiah 29:11

"But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

Proverbs 18:24

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Romans 8:28

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends."
John 15:13

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:37-39

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved ...”
Ephesians 2:4-5

“…but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:8

“The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.”
Zephaniah 3:17

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”
1 Peter 5:6-7

“But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.”
Psalm 86:15

Purpose Through the Pain

Over two years later and I find myself having days that make it feel like I lost her yesterday. 

I have days where I feel like I could cry and cry and the pit would still be empty.

The process of grieving is such a roller coaster. Just when you think you’re okay, the next day I find myself in my car crying or at work on the verge of tears. It took forever for me to even feel ‘okay’ about losing my Grandma… It almost feels wrong or sinful at times how long it’s affected me.

My mom says we should be happy and at peace because she made Heaven her home and that’s the ultimate goal right? Well I am honestly happy for her… I know she’s in a place she lived her whole life to get to... and its not even about the ‘place’... shes with God!! Shes with the love of her life!! She loved Jesus so so so much. She lived her life to see Jesus one day, and she did it!!

I still picture her most vividly in my mind when I think of the way she would raise her hands to Him and tears would stream down her face. She was so sincere, so genuine… filled of so much love for Jesus and us.

I think the reason it’s been so hard on not just me, but my family and others to lose her is because she was seriously a piece of Jesus on this crazy and hectic earth. She truly was an extension of Gods body… of His love, His wisdom, His strength, she was filled with so much Jesus that having her gave security the way Jesus does. Am I making her my God? Not at all. Please don’t take what I’m saying out of context… but what a gift and Blessing she was that God gave me to have such a beautiful influence within my life.

I want to live a life like hers. Where my presence in someone’s life makes a positive difference.
I know she would never want me or any of us to hurt for her…
but I think it just shows how amazing she must have been.

With all this said… I promise it’s not my intention to depress you or make you pity me.

My point is to say I am thankful for the sensitivity God has given me through the loss of my grandma.
I can understand others and pain so much more
I thought breaking up with a boyfriend or losing a friend was heartbreaking… nope.

Nothing compares to this kind of pain.

I’m not trying at all to downplay other hurtful situations, trust me –
I’ve gone through those and know how real that pain is!
But for me – personally – this is a whole new level I have never experienced before.

Moving forward…

Within the last year one of my best friends lost his dad… as I started praying, I started sobbing for him. The pain I felt for my friend and his family was that of what I felt the night I found out I lost my grandma. I went into intercession in a way I never have been able to before - where my heart shattered and I felt breathless.

Just this past week, a young 15 year old boy was killed in a hit and run. I didn’t know him… but something about this broke me and has weighed on me so heavy. Last night after a week of thinking about this, I prayed for the family.
Again, I started sobbing and was able to intercede in such a powerful way.
For a family I’ve never met or even seen – I was able to weep for and step in on their behalf to ask God for peace, comfort, strength, and a drawing during such a time.

Am I saying this to glorify myself? No.
But I am seeing God right now, take the deepest pain in my life, and channel it into a passion, sensitivity, and a burden for others.

At times I have asked God… "God is this supposed to be hurting me this much? I feel like I’m not letting you heal me, or something is wrong with me... why have I felt this so long?
Am I a bad Christian?
Does this mean I don’t love You enough? Am I not finding enough peace and strength in You? Had I made Grandma my god without realizing it?"
At times I've felt ashamed for feeling how I do.

But its situations like this… that show me, maybe, just maybe…
God wants me to know what this pain feels like – so that I can pray, intercede, and have the sensitivity for others the way I am able to now.

So today, I encourage you today, to take whatever painful situations you have gone through – and let God help you to channel them into His purpose.

Do you need to lose a family member? No.

Have you felt brokenness, loss, heartache?

If you have – that’s enough. Pain is pain and pain is universal.

Let God use the pain you've experienced to help another going through that same thing.
It doesn't even have to be the same situation.
Just be there for someone who needs love, and who needs to know that they aren't alone.
Just pray for them the way you would have wanted someone to pray for you.
Pray with your whole heart for someone else.

That’s what this life is all about right? This life is not about us!

It’s about God, living a life that will please Him, making Heaven our home, and getting others connected to Him intimately – so they can make Heaven their home too. 

Don't Drop the Ball.

For awhile now, God has been laying something on my heart that I just cant seem to shake.

Before I get into what that is, let me ask a simple question...

Who likes to be let down?

Anyone?

Does anyone deep down enjoy the feeling you get in your stomach when it feels as if all the butterflies have died, and the person you thought you could count on the most does something that seems to be totally out of character, and it leaves you wiped out on the floor,

looking at them like, what just happened?

You were suppose to have my back.

I trusted you. I counted on you. I would have had yours.

I’m going to take a wild guess and assume that no one likes how that feels.
I also have a feeling that as unfortunate as it is, all of us have experienced it.

Whether it be big or small, or it came from a close friend, significant other, family member, someone you looked up to, or even just a situation that happened, we have all experienced it.

It could be something as simple as your best friend not inviting you to a group hang out, or maybe your special someone has given up putting effort into your relationship. Maybe you didn’t get the grade you worked so hard for, or you never got the call back on that job. Maybe it’s as something as devastating as a parent walking out on your family, or a best friend stabbing you in the back.

Let down is inevitable.

God is LITERALLY the one who will never let you down.

Now…. Onto what God has been dealing with me on…

I was siting in Sunday School Class and our assistant Pastor was teaching on the importance of studying the Word of God. He was saying how there are going to be people who are going to approach us and have sincere interest and genuine questions about God and the truth, and will be looking to us for answers. When that time comes, we need to be ready.

The next thing he said hit me SO hard, and honestly felt like it knocked the wind out of me a bit.

“Don’t drop the ball.”

That’s all he said.

Simple right? But this statement seriously impacted me so much!

Suddenly all I could think about were recent situations where people I trusted, confided in, and opened my heart up to, turned on me, hurt me, and let me down in ways I wouldn’t have thought they ever could. The shattering realization of thinking something was strong and unbreakable, when actually it was.

And it made me think…

Maybe this mind-blowing pain and feeling like I had the rug ripped out from under my feet was for this very moment;  so that I could REALLY feel and understand what it felt like to have someone drop the ball on me.

But guys, this was SO MUCH WORSE!

Think about it – this was not just a friend letting me down –

this was ME letting down a LOST SOUL.

A lost soul who was depending on me for an answer that could be vital to their Salvation!

Not just a temporary pain here on earth, but an eternal suffering, pain, and torture; because I wasn’t ready.

Because I wasn’t read up, prayed up, hadn't fasted, wasn't in tune with the spirit of God to know what to speak or how to act. Because I was so caught up in myself, my issues, my plans, ME, ME, ME. To the point that I haven’t been using my time, energy, resources, or focus to prepare myself to be ready and on guard for when it was time to step up and reach out to someone who was genuinely hungry and searching for God.

I know this may seem a little dramatic and like a lot to grasp from such a simple statement, but the thought of this happening shook my very core.

I don’t want to be so caught up in myself, that I totally miss the opportunity to reach someone who needs Jesus.

I don’t want to drop the ball. Not when that much is at stake.

I encourage you today; to focus in on things that are going to have eternal value.

I am in no way trying to downplay education, careers, relationships, etc … but it's easy to forget that we are not going to be able to take any of it when the trumpet sounds.

However- souls – souls we can!!

BUT – we’re not going to reach them by being passive and experiencing moves of God every Sunday and Wednesday. Being a soul winner is going to take more than regular church attendance.

It’s going to take daily consecrated fervent prayer. Its going to take studying and knowing the Word of God and what you believe, long before you are confronted with questions from an unbeliever. Its going to take pushing away your plate and showing God that His power being able to freely flow through you is more important than feeding your flesh.

You CAN do it! Its NOT too late.

God can restore a passion and love for Him & lost souls.

He can give you an anguish so strong for the lost, that it will push you out of your comfort zone to reach them.

He can help you hunger to read His word, and thirst for His Spirit daily.

I’m right there with you, fighting. 

Fighting to push aside things and situations that fight for my attention every day – so that when someone who is lost and looking for God crosses my path, I don’t drop the ball. 

God Bless Friends <3 :) 

Finding my way Pt. 1

Being born and raised in the church, at age 7, I was baptized in Jesus name, and filled with the Holy Ghost. I can genuinely say I have always had a love for God and His presence. This love for Him and His presence is what would draw me back to Him years later.


Early on in 3rd grade, I got involved in 'Little Panthers' basketball. It did not take long for me to fall in love with the game, because playing it just came natural. From third grade on, my life consisted of me spending my time in camps, training programs, playing in tournaments, or playing for my school or travel teams during the off season. I even was referee for Little Panthers.  If I had free time beyond these things, I would devote it into practicing more. I would wake up at 8am on my days off, and would hit the track to condition, and would be back home in the driveway afterwards shooting thousands upon thousands of shots until the sun went down.

I absolutely loved everything about basketball. I loved the playing it, watching it, the workouts, scrimmages, tournaments, even down to the bumps and bruises - they were like little trophies to me. I took pride in finding new bruises, because to me that was saying I laid it all out on the court - literally.
My hard work paid off by earning me a starting spot throughout all of my years playing for school and travel, and at the end of each season when I earned multiple MVP awards.

Attending a large public school, basketball was my way into popularity. I never struggled having friends because of this. As a matter of fact, my bigger issue was deciding which set of friends to hang out with on the weekends. My parents had a booming business, and could afford to splurge on whatever clothes and latest fashions I desired.  I say this in no way to boast - but the reality of it was, my life felt pretty perfect. To top it all off, I had the worlds best boyfriend a girl could ask for. I'm talking straight up, chick flick movie, too good to be true, kind of guy. Again - life was pretty perfect.

Through all of this "perfection" I managed to lose sight of God. 

Being involved in travel basketball, caused me many times to miss church. At first this felt like a big deal, but after awhile, it was something that was just a neccessity in order to do what I really wanted - and that was to play basketball, so I didn't think twice about it before long.

It was not long after placing basketball as a priority before church, myself and part of my family left the church I grew up in. Branching out further into basketball and politics because of the popularity basketball had brought me.  We felt we deserved to branch out into a bigger more advanced church. One that was more cutting edge, and modern. We started attending a mega church that went against the doctrine I grew up believing, yet I was eager to get involved. Within a month of attending this new church, I had heard word of their youth group going on a mission trip to El Salvador. Before this, missions had never even crossed my mind. Seeming like a fun experience to travel, and grow closer to the youth group there, I jumped on this opportunity.

It just so happened that this mission trip fell on the same week my new varisty basketball coach was putting together a team scrimmage to view his potential players. Explaining to him that I already had this trip planned, he told me not to worry about it, and to have a great time.

So that I did.

While I had gone there for the travel experience and fun, God had a much greater plan in store. The moment I stepped on the soil of El Salvador, I literally could feel God turning something in my heart. Seeing people who lived in poverty stricken areas light up when you would smile, wave, or hug them was beyond humbling. They had so little, how could they be so happy? Praying for people who had nothing and no one but God to rely on was life changing in itself.

Leaving El Salvador was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I left with a hole in my chest, and heaviness upon my heart. How could going on a trip to help others, change so much within me?
I remember going to bed thinking... if this is what working for God feels like... I want to do it for the rest of my life.

As time went on, the high from my trip calmed down, and I recall sitting in service after service, feeling God tug on my heart strings to draw closer to Him. Not only that, but I also very clearly felt God lay on my heart that I needed to cut some things out of my life that I was putting before him. The pastors messages were starting to hit so close to home for me, that even my family would start to stare at me during the messages, because they knew God was speaking directly to me.

I felt the pull to draw closer to God and surrender what He was asking of me, yet I had fallen so in love with my perfect life style and desires, that I couldn't imagine a life any different.

Let me tell you friends, if you do not surrender to God out of free will, He will strip away the things He has to from you to get your attention.

Remember the new coach that told me to go a head and enjoy my misison trip? Well it just so happened that the scrimmage I was going to miss played a lot bigger role in his mind than was led on. When I returned back home, it was as if he already had the team and starters picked out from day one. As hard as I tried to regain favor in his eyes, I could do nothing to gain any ground.
It was as if something switched within my new coach that made him absolutely hate me - and I am not exagerating in this. There were several practices where he literally cussed me out for making a mistake. He took special time outside of practice to pull me into meetings and tell me I had no potential. His dislike for me was becoming so evident that even my team mates started to treat me terrible. It was as if his attitude with me was rubbing off on them. Going to practice went from being something I loved, to something I dreaded and made me physically sick to think about.
Even though this killed me on the inside, I was not ready to completely die. This pushed me to work harder. As a team we were already practicing 24+ hours a week, and I decided to show him I would dedicate even more time by adding an extra two hours onto individual practice each night. After doing all this for weeks, and even praying about recieving more playing time, I got a whole two minutes on the floor.

Basketball- the thing I had poured entire life into up until this point, had been completely stripped from me. I watched my team go from being undefeated, to losing every single game - as I helplessly and bitterly sat at the end of the bench with no hope of a chance to prove myself or help my team. It was seriously the worse feeling a leader could experience the ability to come to the rescue.

My dreams of playing college ball were completely shattered that year. 

If losing basketball wasn't enough, I started to lose all my friends that came with basketballs popularity, along with my self confidence and worth.  I dropped to my lowest weight from over exercising, and being too depressed to eat, and my 4.0 GPA was plumiting because I simply just didn't care about school anymore. To make things worse - my perfect relationship with my knight in shining armor was crashing down as well.

When I call him perfect, many think I am over exagerating- but they really don't understand that to me he was perfect. He would go out of his way to bring me Starbucks, smoothies, and breakfast. When he noticed I wasn't eating much because I was depressed, he would bring me food. He would travel with my mom to my basketball games, and support me whenever possible. He would write me the sweetest letters, and my nights would be filled with hours of talking to him on the phone. We had a blast whenever together, and spent the majority of our time laughing. He was the only person I trusted to confide everything in. We just clicked. He was more than just my boyfriend, he was my best friend. There was literally no one else I would have rather spent my time with, or focused my attention towards. He was quickly becoming my everything.

He treated me perfect and knew how to make me happy during an extremely hard time in my life... what wasn't to fall for?

It wasn't only evident to eachother that we were falling head over heels for one another, but it was also becoming very clear to our parents. My parents who had always seen me as level headed, were becoming concerened that this relationship at my age was becomming too serious. It was in agreement on both sides, that him and I needed to sepearte because it was no longer healthy how crazy we were for one another. Being only 17 at the time, I had no choice but to listen.

I can recall clear as crystal, sitting in my laundry room the day after our breakup, feeling completely devastated. Life as I knew it would never be the same without him in my life. I literally had to numb my mind because the pain I would feel if realization sunk in would absolutely torture me.

The days that followed were long and empty. I had teachers pull me outside of the classroom to ask me what was wrong because they could tell I was on the verge of tears daily. My grades continued to drop dramatically, and I lost interest in everything else around me.

What was to come was probably the most heart breaking thing I had faced up until that point.

Just a few short weeks of us being forced to break up, I received an email of a convo between my ex and the one girl I had been insecure about during our relationship. In this email he told her how she was the most beautiful girl in the world, how I had always been insecure of her, and more or less was coming out about his feelings for her. Talk about the biggest slap in the face. I had never felt so betrayed. This wasn't just my boyfriend talking - this was my best friend. To see him talk to her how he had, and to talk about me in that sort of manner, completely blind sided me and left me speechless.

I literally felt my heart break at that moment.

Even after our break up I had felt God tug on my heart that I needed to release him from my life, but I had fought His voice. My plan had been to marry him the day I turned 18 and move away if that was what was necessary to be together.

This was my turning point. 

I remember as if it were yesterday- walking upstairs, trying to compose myself long enough to get away from my family, and the moment I stepped in my room I completely started bawling. I've never felt my heart break in such a way. I could barely stop crying long enough to breath. I was so at my breaking point. So many thoughts running through my mind.

In a matter of weeks he had become a stranger, and his loyalty was proving to be something completely different than what he promised it would always be while we were dating.

For months beforehand, I knew God had been asking me service after service to let go of him, and to put God first, but I fought His voice. Letting go of my ex was something I wasn't going to agree to.

However, at that moment, through my sobs, I told God that if He would take the pain I was feeling at that very moment away, I would let go of my love for my ex, and I would let Him do whatever He wanted to with my life.

Instantaneously, God gave me a mental image  of what looked like a gate opening, and in the background was a foreign tropical place I had never seen before with a bright blue sky, and big clouds. I knew it was God showing me He was opening a new chapter of my life, and I couldn't help but think of my love for foreign missions that had developed.

Beyond what God let me see, I instantly started laughing!

I'm sure if anyone was around at this point, they would have thought I was going mentally insane, but I can not put into the words the amount of peace, and joy I felt at that very moment.

God had instantly taken every ounce of pain away, and replaced it with an unexplainable joy and peace that ran throughout my entire body.

From that day forward I no longer felt an emotional connection with my ex boyfriend. It was if God had cut the bondage holding me to him.

Had it really been that easy of just saying those words of surrenderence to Him? All the pain I was dealing with by not letting go, instantly gone within seconds by telling God He could have His way with me?

Within months, my family and I had started to seek out a new church, and that was when we came across the church I now attend, Cornerstone Tabernacle. It had been a home missions church, and only had about 70 people when I started going, but there was such a strong presence of God in each service. Gods pull was so strong, that we couldn't help but come back, and it was not long until we became official members.

For my whole life up until this point, I had poured myself into the things of this world, only to have everything stripped away and leave me empty and broken.

I experienced first hand that everything the world has to offer is only for a season, and will eventually fade.

I have discovered that unlike the world, if you will pour everything you have and all that you are into God, He will never dissapoint you or leave you empty handed.

I can't help but look back and thank God for every closed door in my life. At the time it felt like the end of the world, but I now see it was Gods hand of protection guiding me and doing what was necessary to redirect me to a greater plan than I ever had for myself.

Here is an interesting fact that I realized a year later after my senior year.  That Coach was only there for that one year just that one year to foul up my dreams my plans.  I am a witness that God has a way of GPS'ing your life for your destiny in Him.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." 

-Jeremiah 1:5